Abuse can come in many forms including physical, emotional, and sexual. It also does not just happen between two people in a romantic relationship. It can also happen between friends or family members.
​
What is abuse?

• Physical abuse means hitting, punching, kicking, or any form of bodily violence or harm.
• Emotional abuse is harder to recognize as there are no observable scars. Forms of emotional abuse can include threats, intimidation, teasing, being putdown, or humiliation.
• Sexual abuse can happen to anyone. Male or female. Gay or lesbian. Queer or transgender. Sexual abuse is when one is forced into or to perform sexual actions against their will or without their consent.

​

In my last post, I briefly mentioned the definition of BDSM. To recap, BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. This has become a hot topic due to the success of the Fifty Shades of Grey series. You may have been taught that your kinks and fetishes are something to be ashamed of but they are not. Embrace them in a safe and fun environment. Sex can be a wonderful part of a relationship.​
​
Research
Don’t be afraid to start Googling. Just make sure you have the tab open in incognito mode first. Don’t take your information from movies or porn websites as those can portray kinks and how to go about them incorrectly. If you’re interested in buying some gear make sure you purchase the correct equipment. Keep in mind what materials may leave behind bruises, rashes, or scars. Metal handcuffs can be rough. For beginner’s, leather or lined cuffs may be more suitable. Buy ropes that are specially prepared and soft so as not to leave burns. Don’t be afraid to head to your local sex shop and ask questions. That’s what they are there for. 

Communication
Trust and communication are the pinnacle of any sexual relationship. It is especially important when it comes to trying out new things. You must be open with each other. Don’t let social stigma hold you back. Talk about any dreams you’ve had or fantasies you want to play out. Let your partner explain their fantasies too. Find out what each other’s limits are. Create a safe word to let each other know if anything is going wrong during sex. The two C’s you and your partner should always remember are consent and communication.
​ 
Take Small Steps
Don’t dive straight into the deep end when pursuing a BDSM relationship for the first time. Take small steps into the shallow end. Feel out the water. See what it’s like. Start with spanking or handcuffs if your partner agrees to those activities. Consent is important. Also, make sure to do your research. Do you want to explore more or have you had enough? If you discover it’s not your kink don’t be afraid to stop and pursue another type of fetish.

Fifty Shades of Grey is the first book in a trilogy of erotic romance novels, written by E. L. James, surrounding the characters of college graduate Anastasia Steele and billionaire Christian Grey. It introduces readers to the elicit sexual tastes of Mr. Grey, specifically BDSM. BDSM can be broken down into three categories, bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. The performance of BDSM is referred to as a scene with the person in charger referred to as the Dominant and the person receiving referred to as the submissive.

Even with critics disregarding the book for its poor writing and the BDSM community dismissing it for the ill representations of the culture, this hasn’t stopped millions from purchasing the series. Fifty Shades of Grey has even become the best-selling book of all time beating Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, according to an article by The Telegraph.

The BDSM community dismisses it because they believe it represents physical and emotional abuse. Steele never fully commits to the relationship and Grey is constantly pushing her to try more sexually. There is also constant fighting and manipulation throughout the first and second book. He is consistently controlling and she is constantly defying him and the most often way they make up from their arguments is through sex. He complains she must be submissive but also states that he likes “her smart mouth” so she becomes confused on how to act. It is the epitome of an unhealthy relationship. In BDSM there is constant communication and an agreement from both partners. The Dominant is in charge of the submissive and must care and respect for them, which Grey fails to do. There is also a foundation of trust which Grey and Steele lack.

With the wide success of the novels, a movie was released February 2015. Even though the film received negative reviews it was an immediate box-office success earning $571 million around the world. The second film, Fifty Shades Darker is premiering February 2nd and will be released in theaters February 10th, just in time for Valentine’s Day. The premise of the film, according to IMBD, “While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her.” He repeats how he’s “fifty shades of fucked up” throughout the second book. He is no longer represented as this billionaire god but as a broken human being in need of love and support. So if you’re a single woman looking for a fun break with the girls or a couple looking for a steamy night out, head to the theater this coming holiday. Just be sure to watch the first movie so you understand that story line.
​
If you’re interested in watching the trailers for the upcoming film, watch them here!